The Phantom Shitter

This story comes to us from funfreepages.com. It's specifically regarding "the phantom shitter", but that's close enough for me. A humerous story from the author's youth. This reminds me of a story from my own youth growing up in South Florida. But that's for another day...

Go back a year and 10 months from now. I just started grade 10 (Secondary 4) in a new school. It was a dirty private school, the one where hallways smell like ass and kids are generally dirty. The washrooms didn't have soap.

Anyways, I'm one of those people who use the washrooms frequently. I drank a lot of caffeine, so I pissed 5 times more than anyone else. I was, in fact, the guy that first entered the washrooms each morning (I turned on the lights even!). I also happen to be quite observant and notice things quickly. So here's the situation.

I enter the washrooms, like usual, only to be faced by one of the most intriguing, yet disgusting, mysteries of my entire school life: Who shat in the corner stall?

I swear, it shocked me beyond belief. Someone, in this very school, just took a shit on the floor. Immediately I thought about how such a thing could happen. Was someone trying to NOT sit on the seat and shit in mid-air and accidently fell to the side, delivering a turd on the already piss coloured floor? No, of course not! The hole was pretty big. Hmm. No one that I knew of had the guts to purposely shit on the floor; or so I thought.

I quickly forgot about this event.

Only it wasn't the last time it happened.

For the rest of the school year, someone purposely shat on the floor, weekly, causing unimaginable cleanup woes for the janitor.

I had only one lead though. Some kid in my grade, called Marcello (Italian) who was pretty big and dareable. Once, I remember taking a piss and he was on the other stall taking one too, only he didn't aim for the bowl. He must've had a monster cock or something, cause by golly, the whole wall was covered in urine. He sand-blasted that shit, paint was coming off or something. Anyways, that was a pretty funny moment.

Now, let's go 10 months back. My grade 11 education begins. My last year in High School, only the mystery still hasn't been solved.

Marcello got suspedned my school and was placed in the second campus, which was where "bad kids" would go. He was still part of my school's board though, so he came along field trips.

Now, a month after school began, we had a field trip (which sadly was the only one we had the entire year...). We were going up north, somewhere cold, in the middle of nowhere, to camp out in cabins. A three day field trip with two nights, with our closest buddies from school.

The Phantom Shitter struck us again.

The entire class was there, at the toilet; it was a big scene. I kept hearing the "ewws" and "blehs" and whatnot from everyone. I was laughing though, since I'm a sick twisted invidivual who laughs at everything.

My laughter was soon cut off when Marcello greeted me saying "you find that funny, eh buddy?". I said "haha fuck yeah man, whoever did that has got guts..." and that's when it finally struck me.

Marcello did it.

He explained me how he carefully skipped classes to partake in such a massive, risky task. Every week, he slipped out or skipped class to take a shit. I told him I always wondered who did it and it was good to know after all these months. He told me to keep it a secret.

For the following two days, he shat on the floor almost hourly. I swear, the cabin was smelling like dick.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I finally solved the case of the mysterious shitter.

The end.